It feels like yesterday, since I could feel all of you. I broke apart, but in the best kind of way. We laid there our naked skin, wrapped together. Swept away by the moment, nothing else mattered. Except for streams of sunlight creeping through the open window. It made shadows dance along the white concrete wall.
That night you needed me. You let me climb your walls, as I felt your heart open even more. I felt your freedom. And you felt mine.
But nothing good ever stays the same. You left and you said goodbye to me in my dream. Even now I still feel you, every time I see the shadows dancing. It reminds me of that night, that still feels like yesterday.
They come like wild flowers. I got used to solitude, I got used to my own skin.
Then you came out of nowhere, and you caressed me. Your hands touching my skin, this time. But you lied to my heart. With the soft strokes of your finger tips, you made me feel that I mattered, that I was enough. But you didn’t really want me. You just wanted to make me feel like you did, so you could feel good about yourself.
All of the wildflowers, are taking their toll on me. Instead of already feeling whole in my own solitude, I have come to yearn for that certain sweetness that you can’t have on your own.
I lost my soul, in between the broken pieces of the past.
I got caught up in the drama of other people’s conflicts.
Then I found my fire again.
I learnt how to let it cradle me, hold me.
I learnt that I deserved so much more, that I was good enough, that I mattered.
I could and see the light trying to touch me, to show me that it was there, and that it never left.
I held onto it, as much as I could.
I had fought so much before, but life wanted me to fight even more. So I did, I fought as hard as I could.
Life needed me to realise that I already was the fire.
I become lost in the shadows, even for just moments.
The sky doesn’t feel familiar, and all I want to do, is to escape to any place but here.
But the day rises again.
All that was lost becomes found, all over again.
The sky comes back to me.
It wakes me up inside , sweetly whispering, to me with its wild breathe.
Don’t get caught up in all the dialogue, the drama and confusion.
Feel the wind brush against you.
Feel it’s breathes in between your finger tips. Let it touch all your softness, and all of your edges.
Listen to it whisper to you, its freedom.
I became lost in a world that hides behind steel cages. When all that is sacred becomes pushed away.
In a world where time is never enough, we are never enough. We are fooled you know.
The world telling us that there is a place that we need to be, a place we need to get to. We are taught that we will never have enough money and we need the “perfect” body.
Where love has been twisted, that only our desires are important.
We are made to feel so inadequate and small. We aren’t meant to be free, we are meant to suffer.
But I wont be fooled. You can’t fool someone who has already been here so many times before.
I have the oldest part of this universe inside of me.
When I walk, I walk with the wind
softly brushing against me.
When I speak, I speak from my heart. My heart is love and so is every part of me.
You see, you can never ever ever beat love.
I can’t control it. I don’t even know what it really is.
All I know, is that I have to wake up each new day, and live it.
Live it and love it so much that it hurts.
Whatever life brings to me, whatever I choose to bring to the table.
Even when everything aches, I still show up.
Your soul can’t be absent here, it doesn’t work like that.
You can’t classify yourself dead, when you’re still alive.
I’m trying to not let the world break me. Instead it strengthens me.
It hides inside moments and teaches me.
It makes me feel so deeply.
It makes me feel everything, as I close my eyes and wish that it would all go away.
But who am I to want to give up so easily. The pain doesn’t last, it just trickles down each of my arms, never reaching my fingers.