Life broke me. It forced me to look for love every where. I found it in other people’s pain. I found it in places I never thought I would ever look. I found it in disappointment, I found it in rejection.
I found love in love, and in the most beautiful of places. I found it in the sky, I found it as the sun caressed my back. I found love in courage and in other people’s hearts.
After a long time looking for love outside of myself, every discovery to myself. I realised that love lived everywhere. I learned that love could never possibly leave me. Because I am love, every inch of me, every part.
I breathe into the uncomfortableness, until I reach a certain softness.
It’s connections with others is that I long for. I find it, in deep conversations with strangers and smiles exchanged with people walking by. Love is everywhere, and I feel it everywhere, even in moments of despair. Because even inside the storm, their is wonder and hope.
The storm can take us to the other side. We need its power, its strength to wake us up. Don’t forget what you already know inside. Their is a thread that binds us to everything. It sways in the wind, and dances with you.
Embrace the uncertainty, the mystery and the silent music (that plays in the background).
There are moments that arise that I feel afraid, separated. I want to feel part of it all. I look around for comfort, and I see still moments, held by life and the last sun. Everything becomes hazy, like star dust.
I open my heart to all of it. The confusion, unknowingness and beauty. Life is never constant, forever changing. But love always stays the same. It’s always there, in the stars, the evening sky, in people that I don’t know walking by.
All of it, can be openings and doorways to amazing possibilities. Even the parts that hold us back, are lessons that will eventually set us free.
The wind whispers, ‘it’s going to be alright’. Life holds me like the stars holds its stars. Strangers bring me their light, smiles like golden hours. They fill me up and carry me.
But when I allow myself to be completely alone, I feel an emptiness. The scars deep inside, I can feel every inch of them. I taste the blood inside my tears. And their is no one to carry me, to hold me. I wonder is it because I don’t need anyone? Or is it because I have been forgotten about?
But maybe it is meant to happen, when I’m grey and old. When I have exhausted every strength, lived every ‘me’ time to its fullness. And the wind will whisper to me, ‘he has arrived.’
They come like wild flowers. I got used to solitude, I got used to my own skin.
Then you came out of nowhere, and you caressed me. Your hands touching my skin, this time. But you lied to my heart. With the soft strokes of your finger tips, you made me feel that I mattered, that I was enough. But you didn’t really want me. You just wanted to make me feel like you did, so you could feel good about yourself.
All of the wildflowers, are taking their toll on me. Instead of already feeling whole in my own solitude, I have come to yearn for that certain sweetness that you can’t have on your own.